Date: August 24, 2020

Season 7, Episodes 3 and 4

Musical Accompaniment: Though I have yet to watch it, I’m intrigued by this Mandalorian mix

Interstellar News: If you like Star Trek you’ve probably heard of Keith R. A. DeCandido, he’s kind of a big deal. He’s written a ton of stuff in the Trek universe, as well as several others and ones he’s created himself. He’s trying to get more supporters on his Patreon, so you should try it out. The levels range from $1 to $20 a month and the content is supremely awesome. If he’s not your cup of coffee, there are plenty of other wonderful artists, authors, and creative-type people that you may want to consider giving your support.

So what had happened in “Afterimage” was…: Ezri Dax is trying to figure out this whole being joined thing as being on DS9 is unsettling and she’s ready to go back to the Destiny. Garak has been decoding messages for Starfleet and is suddenly having claustrophobic episodes in not-so-confined spaces, so Sisko asks Ezri to give it the ol’ counselor try. Garak gets back to work and Sisko offers her the station’s counselor position. Ezri tells Bashir that Jadzia would have chosen him if it wasn’t for Worf, and Worf wants nothing to do with Ezri. Garak has another episode and tears Ezri a new one after meditation doesn’t work, so she decides to resign from Starfleet until she can figure her life out. She goes to say goodbye to Garak when he suddenly realizes what’s behind the attacks, he’s responsible for killing other Cardassians. Worf also realizes he’s been a jerk and Jadzia would not have wanted Worf to treat Ezri this way, and he asks her to stay if she wants. Ezri decides to stay in Starfleet, accepts the counselor position, and is promoted to Lieutenant.

Favorite Quote:

Jake: She is cute.

Sisko: She’s also about three hundred years too old for you.

Reminds me of the time Jake had a crush on Kira…

“These pronouns are going to drive me crazy.”: There is A LOT going on in this episode, and almost none of it is good. Ezri has encounters with everyone and it’s all just awkward. She’s also still trying to figure out how, and when, to listen to the voices in her head. She keeps ordering things that she didn’t like before, or trying new things to her because they worked in a past life, when she needs to not be in a place that has so many memories for her. I understand now why the Trill custom is to not interact with your old life if possible. With Garak she’s super awkward, starts with a Freudian method, and self-discloses to the detriment of her client. She also uses Garak’s sessions to further her own catharsis, so I’m not seeing any brilliant counseling work here. One thing that rang true is when Garak figures out what’s really causing the episodes, though it would take months of intense therapy to get there. I absolutely hated that she shared with Bashir it would have been him, what a fucking terrible thing to do to a person. I will say when she absolutely broke down it felt real and it did make you feel for her, she was out of her depth. That should have been all the more reason for her to leave. She’s a total hot mess and the ending didn’t make me think “she should stay and join the crew”. I would have liked it better if she was actually a good counselor, but we can’t win them all. 3 ham and cheese sandwiches, hold the bloodwine.

So what had happened in “Take Me Out to the Holosuite” was…: Captain Solok, a Vulcan, arrives on DS9 and is in need of repairs. He and Sisko snark at each other and eventually Solok challenges the DS9 crew to a holosuite baseball game against his ship’s crew. They all try to figure out what the hell this baseball thing is and Sisko asks Odo to be their umpire. The whole senior staff shows up for “tryouts”, as well as Quark, Rom, Leeta, and Nog. After the first day Bashir is busy helping patch everyone up in the Infirmary and Sisko asks Yates to join the team. Rom is so terrible and Sisko is taking things so seriously, he’s thrown off the team… but he wants to watch everyone else play, even when they want to strike until Rom is reinstated.

Yates finally drags the story out of Sisko that he and Solok were in the Academy together, Sisko got drunk and lost a wrestling match to Solok, and Solok has been rubbing it in Sisko’s face ever since. Yates tells the rest of the crew, even though she promised not to, and they all want to win one for the gipper. The Niners are losing pretty badly to the Logicians and Sisko gets himself thrown out for touching Odo, leaving O’Brien in charge. There’s a bit of fun with Nog and a Vulcan who forgot to touch home plate and Sisko remembers baseball is supposed to be fun, so they sub Rom in who accidentally bunts and allows Nog to score the only run of the game. The Niners throw a celebration, which is super illogical to Solok, and sign a baseball for Sisko.

Favorite Quotes:

A collection of Worf’s greatest hits:

“We will destroy them.”

“Death to the opposition.”

“Find him and kill him!”

Worf is super dramatic and I absolutely love it.

“To manufactured triumphs!“: I absolutely loved this episode from beginning to end. We start with Sisko, who is generally only sassy to Cardassians and people who do him wrong, turning the snark and sass up to 11 with Solok. Sisko is obsessed with baseball but also needs a win with the war going on for so long, losing Jadzia, and the wormhole being closed for some time. I love that the non-humans, Worf, Kira, and Nog, get together to try to figure out the terminology and are totally lost, but they don’t fare much better than Bashir or O’Brien who are human. I did completely appreciate that O’Brien replicated gum and infused it with scotch, because why not? A total O’Brien thing to do! I love that Leeta and Rom are super excited to participate and Rom is just adorably cute when he is supportive of the team and really wants them to play. Odo practicing his “moves” is the absolute best and it reminds me of when my Dad used to umpire recreational softball. I also totally loved that both teams were mixed gendered, and the DS9 team was a range of races and ages and abilities.

When Sisko tells the story to Yates it’s a thing of beauty on both of their accounts and I knew she was totally going to tell the crew, the episode needed something to bring them all together. The ridiculousness of Nog trying to get the Vulcan out was superbly funny, especially because he didn’t know which Vulcan it was, and the look of glee on Sisko’s face was super infectious. When he realizes that he needs to make things right with Rom, I was thinking it would have been hysterical if Rom lost hold of the bat and hit one of the Vulcans with it… but their ending with a mistake bunt because Rom is trying to figure out the signs was just as good and heartwarming. I love that Solok also gets thrown out, the DS9 crew doesn’t win the game but remembers what was most important to them, and I even thoroughly enjoyed them picking on Solok at the end. Ezri doesn’t deliver the sass when she asks if she forgot to wear her spots, but Quark picks it right back up for her with his follow up line and it’s truly amazing. After the heavy first three episodes and end of last season, I needed this episode. It may have its issues but I don’t care because I really enjoyed it. 10 cheers for Rom and the team!

TA Out!

Date: August 23, 2020

Season 7, Episodes 1 and 2

Musical Accompaniment: A playlist inspired by a Facebook game followed by some Jedi Meditation music, because I can.

Interstellar News: I watched the credits, as I do, and there were two new things I noticed: new font and a new name for the new Dax host.

So what had happened in “Image in the Sand” was…: It’s been three months since “Tears of the Prophets“. Kira’s been promoted to Colonel, Jake and Sisko are still on Earth, and despite the wormhole being closed the Dominion seems to be winning the war. Worf is still reeling from losing Jadzia, tears apart Vic’s in the holosuite, and finally O’Brien finds out it’s because Worf’s concerned she hasn’t made it to Sto-Vo-Kor and he must win a great battle in her name. They tag Martok to invite Worf to join him on a mission, which is also later joined by Bashir and O’Brien. Admiral Ross comes to tell Kira Senator Cretak of the Romulans will have a small presence on DS9 and, despite her initial prejudice Kira likes Cretak. Cretak asks to set up a hospital on an uninhabited moon which is fine until the Bajorans find weapons and demand them to be removed. Weyoun and Damar They snipe at each other, Damar gets drunk and imaginative, and they actually agree that Dukat seems to have helped them in a strange way. Later they geeble about Romulans being predictably treacherous.

Sisko’s been playing the piano a lot and suddenly has a vision from the Prophet’s. Jake recognizes the woman from a photo and Joseph eventually reveals it was his first wife, Sarah, and Sisko’s biological mother who left soon after he was born and died years later. Joseph gives Sisko a necklace that has ancient Bajoran on it, The Orb of the Emissary, and then Sisko gets stabbed by a Bajoran cultist. Sisko, Jake, and Joseph decide to travel to Tyree when a woman appears at the restaurant. Her name is Dax, Ezri Dax.

Favorite Quote:

Kira: When did you turn into an optimist?

Odo: Must have been that day in front of Quark’s, when we kissed for the first time.

Kira: That was some kiss, wasn’t it?

Odo: Changed my life.

Kira and Odo being adorable and cute.

“Sing the song.”: There were four plot lines to follow in this episode, all at varying lengths. The shortest was that of Damar and Weyoun, but both exchanges were wonderful. Damar doesn’t have the gusto of Dukat but he’s proved to not disappoint Weyoun too much after the disaster of the weapons platforms in the season finale. This is just enough of a bit to remind us that the Dominion is still in play and that, so far, they are back to winning.

Ross is still proving himself to not be an asshat of an admiral but he does tell Kira it’s a done deal and she just has to take it. Odo and Kira still work well as a team and it’s good to see that not much of their dynamic has changed, Odo’s just a little softer. Cretak surprises Kira and Kira can’t help but be nice to Cretak until the other shoe drops in the form of 7,000 torpedoes. Kira tries to find a compromise but Cretak won’t budge and this is about to be the best game of chicken ever. I’m not sure I like Kira’s new hairstyle but she seems more kick-ass than usual, maybe it’s the new rank.

The next bit revolves around Worf, who is clearly not doing well with losing Jadzia. He trashes Vic’s so Bashir puts O’Brien up to getting Worf to open up. After lots of bloodwine and talking of Barclay and the old Enterprise days, O’Brien finally gets Worf to reveal what’s really bothering him and it’s fantastic that O’Brien is hungover and equally impressive that he went toe-to-toe with a Klingon over three bottles. I love that Bashir wants to go to also honor Jadzia while O’Brien feels he has to go to keep Bashir alive, and Quark just wants to know if there’s anyone he can bribe. They’re trying to be really good friends and colleagues to Worf and it’s quite touching. It’s also their way of dealing with Jadzia’s death because it gives them all something to focus on.

Lastly we have the Sisko men with Joseph trying to let things run their course, Jake being super concerned, and Benjamin Sisko is completely as we left him three months prior. His baseball plays a part in starting him on his journey, so it’s good he took it with him. I also like how all three have a part to play as Sisko has the vision, Jake recognizes the picture, and Joseph has to reveal a family secret. Sisko is so focused on what he has to do to make things right he almost doesn’t realize how frantic he’s being, but eventually he thinks he knows what he has to do… until he gets stabbed that is. After he’s stabbed he knows what he has to do and it’s not surprising that Jake and Joseph want to tag along. I will say one thing, though, I would never want to be a Sisko woman… they don’t seem to last long. Ending with the new host of Dax joining the Sisko men was not as big of a surprise because I watched the credits, but watching Sisko’s face light up was totally worth it. Overall I think this episode sets up the next one nicely, but there’s just A LOT going on for a season premiere. 5 suuuuuuper long songs by Arlo Guthrie for this episode.

So what had happened in “Shadows and Symbols” was…: Quark decides to come along the mission to honor Jadzia and Worf is being rude to his friends until Martok explains that Jadzia was their friend too. Weyoun wants to increase production of a shipyard, but the Klingon crew intends to destroy it. Worf and crew get their glorious battle and the plan works. Kira sets up a blockade as a protest for the Romulans arming the hospital. Cretak tells her Warbirds are en route carrying “medical supplies” and Ross realizes he’s in the middle of watching two formidable, stubborn women play chicken. Ross eventually backs up Kira and Cretak eventually acquiesces.

Ezri explains that her ship was carrying the Dax symbiont when it took a turn for the worst and she was the only Trill aboard, so she’s a hot mess who never went through the extensive training before being joined. She’s also an assistant counselor. They get to Tyree and walk and walk and walk as Sisko hears a voice, then he starts digging and finds the Orb. Before he opens it he flashes back to Benny Russell and the doctor who was being paged is none other than Damar, telling Benny to put his pencil down and stop writing the story so he can finally go home. Benny instead attacks the doctor and finishes the story, meaning that Sisko opens the orb. He meets with a Prophet who looks like his mother and that entity explains she took over Sarah in order to ensure Sisko was born, which explains why Sarah left once the wormhole alien stopped possessing her… CREEPY. Sisko and Jake head back to DS9 and Ezri comes along too.

Favorite Quote:

Odo: Well, I was hoping our relationship was going to be a long and happy one, but I suppose I’m willing to settle for short and exciting.

Kira: What’s that supposed to mean?

Odo: I take it you’re going to be commanding the blockade?

Kira: That’s right.

Odo: Then I’m going to be there with you.

Odo totally has this humanoid relationship thing down pat in what, four months? You go bro!

“Great. It’ll be just like old times. Except different.”: The Klingon contingency is successful in their mission but it’s very weird because Quark does nothing but snipe and Bashir isn’t particularly useful during the battle, it’s really all O’Brien and the Klingons… and O’Brien was really there for Bashir and not Jadzia. Kira versus the Romulans is fantastic because Kira’s kick-assery is turned up all the way to 11 and, once the wormhole opens back, she feels she has the Prophets on her side and she can’t lose. I love when Ross tells her they shouldn’t play poker together, a nice nod to the TNG days. Odo backs up Kira and doesn’t continually try to talk her out of her course of action. He expresses his concerns once and then remembers it’s her show, she’s in charge, and tries to support her in any way possible. You know the Romulans aren’t going to fire on an ally but neither Cretak nor Ross know what the hell Kira’s going to do because Bajor isn’t a member of the Federation and Kira used to be a terrorist. The viewer can see what’s going to happen but the suspense is still there just a bit.

I liked hearing what happened to Ezri and it makes sense why she would show up at Sisko’s door looking for answers, she’s quite literally out of her mind with lifetimes of memories floating around her head. She wasn’t prepared for it but decided to take on the responsibility of being joined rather than have the symbiont die. I think this screams volumes of her character. I also like that she’s a counselor, mostly because I am hoping they are able to use her more effectively than they used Troi. I’m sure my hopes will be dashed, but I liked that they didn’t just replace the female Science Officer with another female Science Officer. I also like that she’s short because it adds an extra perspective, like when older Molly was trying to recognize her parents. The walking and the digging I could have done without but I absolutely did not see Benny Russell coming! I love that they were able to use Damar, who wasn’t in the last episode, in a way that made sense after Benny’s breakdown. Understanding it was the pah-wraiths who were trying to get Sisko to stop aiding the Prophets finally answered the question of which existence was real, but it was suuuuuuper creepy that the wormhole aliens used a woman for quite a few years to ensure that Sisko was born to save them many years later… it’s just lots of yuck. It was nice to get closure to the closed wormhole saga and to see Sisko return and the Bajorans so excited, but Ezri is going to have a lot of explaining to do. I’m interested to see if, and how, she fits into this cast that has been together for so long. While I was happy with having a resolve to everything from last season and the premiere episode, I’m left feeling a little unfulfilled and that means this episode earns itself 6 shots of kanar, all for Damar.

TA Out!

Date: August 22, 2020

Season 6, Episodes 24, 25, and 26

Musical Accompaniment: Instrumental Rat Pack music, in honor of Vic Fontaine and old blue eyes himself (who was also born on 12/12).

Interstellar News: We are now at the end of Season 6. One more season to go, one movie, and then I’m off to Voyager land. This is also the last week to support the “LD/WW” Kickstarter

So what had happened in “Time’s Orphan” was…: Keiko and the kids are back and the O’Briens plan a picnic. Molly falls into a time portal and, with the help of Dax and others, they get her back but at age 18 instead of 8 and more like a cavewoman. Worf babysits Kirayoshi to prove to Dax that he’s a worthy father, and it’s adorable. On the station a cargo bay is converted to help Molly acclimate, and the O’Brien’s try to help her but she’s not really happy unless she’s back “home”, the planet where she was lost. They recreate it in a holosuite but she reacts badly when they have to leave and stabs a man in Quark’s. Sisko says she’ll need to be taken to a facilty but the O’Briens plan a jailbreak to put her back through the portal and then break it so no one can find her. They send her through, she meets 8 year old Molly and sends her back, and all is right in the world… except O’Brien has to face a trial.

Favorite Quote:

Dax: Worf, you’re exhausted. Get some sleep.

Worf: No. I am a Klingon warrior and a Starfleet officer. I have piloted starships through Dominion minefields. I have stood in battle against Kelvans twice my size. I courted and won the heart of the magnificent Jadzia Dax. If I can do these things, I can make this child go to sleep.

Oh poor, sweet, naive Worf.

“The rattle is like the baby’s first bat’leth kind of thing.”: First, I absolutely need someone to write “Baby’s First Bat’leth”. Second, I absolutely love Worf who is trying so fucking hard to be worthy in Dax’s eyes. He wants to be a worthy friend who you can trust with your child and he wants to be a worthy mate who will take care of any offspring. This Worf is in love but still totally him and it’s wonderful to see, and you can tell Dax thinks he’s totally adorable. I also find it funny that Kirayoshi is no longer soothed by Worf like he was in “Business as Usual“, proving how fickle children are. One of the best parts, though, is when half-asleep Dax asks Worf if he tried feeding, changing, singing, reading a story, etc. to Kirayoshi to get him to sleep and Worf’s replied just keep getting more exasperated.

The meat of the story is not just one O’Brien suffering, but literally the whole family. Kirayoshi wants his mommy but he’s stuck with Worf, Molly falls down the well, O’Brien has to work on technology he doesn’t understand, and Keiko is living every parent’s nightmare when you look away from your kid just one second. The most GIGANTIC problem is when they say they can’t take those 10 years away from older Molly… to hell you can’t, she was alone for ten-fucking-years, do it again until you can grab her earlier. The work they do with Molly is great until the decide on using the holosuite, what the fuck did they think was going to happen? Also, the part where they drag her out and then are just SHOCKED that she caused a ton of damage and attacked someone… just a bad idea all around. I love that Keiko is the good mom who packs all of the essentials: a blanket, Molly’s doll, a knife. The O’Brien’s were just trying to do what they thought was best for their child, even if it was illegal, and Odo even helps them… which doesn’t wholly make sense. There were bits that were really good and some that were really bad, but overall not the worst time travel episode. I’m also sad that Keiko isn’t a cat lover, sigh. It wasn’t the best “O’Brien must suffer”, even though everyone was involved, so this earns 5 round of “gung gung gung”.

So what had happened in “The Sound of Her Voice” was…: On the station, Odo is giving Quark a hard time until Kira comes in and he’s totally distracted. Quark decides to distract Odo by having him pick out a gift for he and Kira’s one month anniversary, and then plan a night in the holosuite so he can do something not so above board. Jake is “observing” Quark “do business” as part of his “research” into a character he’s writing and stuck on. He tells his partner to arrive on Saturday, but Odo wants to celebrate the first kiss instead of the first date, so Quark moans to Jake about how, if it wasn’t for Quark, Kira and Odo wouldn’t even be together. Odo overhears and decides to throw Quark a bone, so he and Kira show up on Saturday and Quark believes he’s finally beaten Odo.

The Defiant is on its way home when it hears a distress signal from a Captain Cusak, they’re six days away and she’s on a Class-L planet. O’Brien is finally able to communicate with her and the crew takes turns talking to her; first Sisko, then Bashir, then O’Brien, and so on. Sisko is awkward with Yates who is along as a liaison to the convoy and they have to take the phasers offline in order to go faster to rescue Cusak. They make it to the planet, take a shuttlecraft through the barrier and find the cave, but she’s already dead. She’s been dead for three years because SCIENCE, so they decide to give her a proper burial via an Irish wake on the station.

Favorite Quote:

Quark: It’s your anniversary. You have to do something special.

Odo: I bought her a gift.

Quark: Have it your way, but if it was me and I had found true love after a lifetime of searching, every month would be worth celebrating.

Odo: All right. Let me look at those programs. Come on.

Quark really knowing how to push Odo’s buttons.

“I think my best option is panic.”: Why didn’t they just look up when the Olympia left? It would have made a hell of a story if they were trying to keep her company while she was dying and then we could have heard her interactions with Yates, Dax, or Worf instead of the phaser argument. I also would have been okay if they just didn’t make it there in time… that they can’t always be heroes and make it just in time. I think this is literally the first time I’ve heard anyone utter the phrase “Beta Quadrant”, but because I know my Greek alphabet I figured it was just unspoken. I absolutely loved the conversations with Cusak and the Irish wake though Bashir and O’Brien’s speeches were a littler weird, but I disliked the “oh the barrier made our voices times travel”.

The Odo and Quark bits were adorable because it starts out with them being their usual antagonistic selves and then Odo does a 180-degree turn and is all super mushy with Kira. Quark and Jake both see an opportunity to advance themselves and, as it turns out, they inadvertently help Odo win boyfriend brownie points. Just as we’ve seen the softer side of Worf as he fell in love with and married Dax, we’re seeing Odo really does have the capacity for love even if he doesn’t have a heart, so to speak. I wanted more, though, from both parts but this episode has earned itself 6 shots for Lisa Cusak.

So what had happened in “Tears of the Prophets” was…: Starfleet is finally going on the offensive and ask Sisko to plan the invasion of Cardassia, he asks the Klingons and Romulans to join him. Worf and Dax are thinking about having kids and Quark and Bashir are beside themselves so much that they drown their sorrows at Vic’s. Jake begs to come along as a reporter, which Sisko agrees to, but then Sisko gets a vision from the Prophets that tell him leaving the station will be bad. Ross tells Sisko he has to choose, be the Emissary or be a Captain, so Sisko chooses Starfleet and leaves Dax and Bashir on the station.

Damar deploys unmanned weapons stations to supplement for not having enough ships, but they aren’t online right away. O’Brien finds the power source and tricks the stations into firing at it and therefore shutting themselves down. Dukat shows up in Cardassia and is hellbent on revenge. He finds a Bajoran artifact, cracks it open, and taken over by a pah-wraith. On the station Bashir tells Dax her fertility is looking good for when Worf returns, so she heads to the Bajoran shrine to thank the prophets (Kira prayed on their behalf) when Dukat/wraith shows up and attacks her. He then opens the Orb, the pah-wraith heads through, and suddenly the wormhole closes. Bashir is able to save the Dax symbiont but nothing can be done for Jadzia, so Worf loses another lady love. Sisko is hurt by the sudden closure of the wormhole and the darkening of the orbs, so he and Jake head to his dad’s restaurant in order to think during his leave of absence.

Favorite Quote:

Dax: Did you hear that? We have the Prophets on our side.

Worf: According to Doctor Bashir, we need all the help we can get.

Dax: Just remember, when you get back, we have a lot of work to do.

Worf: I don’t consider that work.

Dax: I wish I was going with you.

Worf: You are. In here.

Dax: I love it when you get romantic.

The last conversation between husband and wife.

“His baseball. He took it with him.”: There are some good bits here. Odo trying to figure out how a humanoid relationship works is adorable and Kira is super patient with him. Ross continues to prove he’s not an asshat of an admiral, but he also forces Sisko to choose. It’s always good to see Martok and it’s also wonderful to see snarky Romulans, because they’ve been super absent and they shouldn’t be. The whole “moon being a power source” thing made me think “that’s no moon” and then when they tricked the platforms into blowing up their own power source made me think of when they had the AT-AT’s shoot at each other, so all kinds of Star Wars references. There’s a wonderful conversation between Damar and Weyoun about superstition and gods, though since the Founder created the Vorta and the Jem’Hadar you could say they are more god-like than not. I feel most bad for Dax, Worf, and Sisko… well and all of the Bajorans. Dax is so happy she’s practically skipping through the Promenade and, of course, she gets killed. At least she gets to say goodbye to Worf and her symbiont will live on in some other Trill. Worf has the worst fucking luck with women and, of course, just as he is starting to settle into married life his wife dies. Sisko has been balancing the Emissary/Starfleet thing since the very first episode, aptly titled of course, and now he’s not sure about anything. We’ve seen how much the war has taken out of him and his resolve was already wavering, this was just the last of many things that caused him to lose his faith in everything. When the episode was over, however, I went “huh, that’s it?” and didn’t feel like it had as much punch as some of the other season finales. Interested to see where they go from here, 5 Orbs that are actually lit for this episode.

TA Out!

Date: August 21, 2020

Season 6, Episodes 22 and 23

Musical Accompaniment: Saxophone, piano, and guitar love songs it is…

Interstellar News: Things have ramped up at work, but at least I got a good trip in to the butcher today.

So what had happened in “Valiant” was…: Nog and Jake are traveling to Ferenginar, the former to deliver an important message to the Nagus and the latter to try to score an interview. On the way they are shot at by Jem’Hadar but are saved by the Valiant, a ship similar to the Defiant. The crew of the Valiant, however, is a bunch of Red Squad cadets who have been “lost in enemy space” for the past eight months. “Captain” Watters and “Chief” Collins explain to Jake and Nog what happened to the adultier adults and it’s strongly implied that they decided to stay and be heroes instead of returning to Starfleet. They finally find the Jem’Hadar ship they’ve been looking for but instead of returning to Starfleet with the data, as was their original mission, they decide to enact a risky plan to blow up the ship… which doesn’t work. Everyone dies except for Jake, Nog, and Collins, who are saved by the Defiant. Jake decides to write about the experience, and Nog tells him to write both sides of the story.

Favorite Quote:

Jake: You joined the crew?

Nog: Something wrong with that?

Jake: It’s a little fast. We just got here and Watters puts you in charge of the Engine Room?

Nog: Captain Watters is used to making quick decisions. He felt I was the right man for the job, so he promoted me.

Nog drank the Watters Kool Aid and Jake is totally confused and concerned.

“You’ve never been to the moon?”: Why on Earth was Red Squad not disbanded after the mishegoss of “Homefront/Paradise Lost“? They clearly think they know what they’re doing, which they don’t, and it costs them their lives. This episode very clearly shows why the “with great power comes great responsibility” quote should never be taken lightly, as Watters had way too much responsibility for his age and experience. Now I know some young people who have gained an incredible amount of experience in a short time, but you generally need one or both and you always need a mentor. These cadets are exactly like the “Gifted & Talented” kids, the “Honors” kids, the ones that have never had to cope with failure because they’re just that awesome… so of course it never occurs to them that failure might happen. They’ve also all been through the Academy so they have been taught to respect the uniform and the rank of those above them, so it’s a dangerous game played on the ship. Jake is wonderful because he’s so analytical and asks a lot of questions, so he not only helps the viewer but he tries to be the voice of reason. Unfortunately he’s stuck “talking to the bulkhead” and gets landed in the brig.

I genuinely enjoyed the opening scene where Quark is in the weeds and obviously short staffed too and then Dax comes in to fix the replicator and Quark is so stunned he just stands there. Unfortunately that scene is only there to say why Nog wasn’t fixing the replicator and nothing else happens on DS9, which was a bit of a letdown. I had an issue with the homesick scene because it went on for too long and there was also some flawed logic. If the sun only comes up once a month, how could you see God every morning? I also was super shocked, at the time but not once I thought about it, that the Jem’Hadar shot the escape pods as they were escaping. I know they don’t care for the rules of war but usually the Vorta at least want to put on a show that the Dominion isn’t all that bad. The best arc, though, was Nog’s story. At first you can tell he has so much pride in delivering the message to the Nagus, then he’s sort of skeptical about the Valient’s crew, but once he’s offered the Chief Engineer spot his ambition takes over his good sense. Though, by the end, you can tell how remorseful he feels about joining the crew… like he should have known better. I’m super torn on if I like this episode or not, it has some good points. It earns 5 escape pods that all live to tell the tale.

So what had happened in “Profit and Lace” was…: Quark is praising his newest dabo girl and then reminds us that he’s a total slime, but thankfully Rom interrupts because he can’t get in touch with anyone on Ferenginar. Zek and Ishka arrive at DS9 because Zek added an amendment that female Ferengi could wear clothes and now Brunt is the acting nagus unless they can do something. Nog, Rom, and Quark start making calls to other Ferengi but are met with resistance and only Nilva agrees to come to meet Ishka and hear her proposal. Quark and Ishka have a fight which causes her to have a heart attack, so Quark gets a quick transition surgery, is renamed “Lumba”, and dresses in drag in order to convince Nilva that this is a good plan for all of Ferenginar. “Lumba” and Nilva have dinner and she totally sells him, but then he was “dessert” back at his place (wink wink) and Brunt unsuccessfully tries to Austin Powers him. Relieved that Nilva is on their side, and feeling better, Ishka and Zek leave DS9 and Quark deals with his hormone imbalance.

Favorite Quote:

Zek: Three days ago, I added a new amendment to the Ferengi Bill of Opportunities giving females the right to wear clothes.

Rom: In public?

Ishka: Anywhere we want.

Quark: That can’t be the good news. If Ferengi females can wear clothes in public, then they can leave their homes. If they can leave their homes, they can go to work. If they can go to work, they can make profit.

Ishka: What’s the matter, Quark? Afraid of a little competition?

Quark doing his best “anger leads to fear and fear leads to the dark side” speech.

“ACTING Grand Nagus Brunt!”: I will temper this review with a caveat. Since I started DS9, and possibly before, two very important people in my life kept telling me this was the absolute worst episode. I think they hyped it down(?) too much because I was excepting something worst than “Plato’s Stepchildren” , “The Gamesters of Triskelion”, or the fucking clip show. What I actually got was several bits of ridiculousness and hilarity mixed in with a ton of “what where they thinking”? Also, ironically, when Quark tried to break Zek and his mother up he totally warned Zek that she wanted equal rights for Ferengi gemales, and it totally happened. Here are the parts that are awful: Quark being a sexual harasser at the top of the episode, Nilva chasing “Lumba” around his quarters, in fact the whole bit in Nilva’s quarters, Aluura having a change of hear about oo-mox, and Quark trying to go back to his harassing self.

Here are the parts that were just the right amount of funny or good. Rom being all atwitter because he thought everyone was dead, actually all of Rom’s parts were right on the money. The three Ferengi men making all of the calls was a nice touch, but totally something expected, just like Quark trying to figure out how to walk and talk and act like a woman. Thankfully neither was a long montage. Nog running around trying to get Nilva to tour DS9 instead of heading straight to where Quark is totally not ready to debut Lumba is a touch funny. The two tall silent guardians of the Naguses (or is it Nagai?) facing off silently at each other while Brunt sneered at everyone. Quark kicking Brunt out of his bar and, strangely, having the fight with his mother. You can see just how alike they really are and how selfish Quark really is. Later he understands he was an ass and goes through with the surgery and the plan, and he really believed what he was saying or it wouldn’t have worked. Logically Ishka’s plan makes sense for Ferenginar as a whole, as you’d have twice as many Ferengi out there earning profit as well as doing things like buying clothes. Quark and Odo’s hug was fantastic and I loved it, especially Odo’s reaction to it.

I’m not saying this episode doesn’t have its problems, but I certainly don’t think it’s the worst of Star Trek. I think I would even watch it again just when I needed something ridiculous to make me giggle. If you take out some of the awful parts, it’s not all that bad. Unfortunately, it’s also not all that good. There’s some issues about body image, trans-phobia, sexual harassment, and a good bit of other things that make you go “yuck”, and that’s sad because there could have been so many better ways to accomplish the same task of humor, just not at the expense of others. The more I think about the episode, the less I like it as a whole but there are some parts that just were so over the top they were humorous. I mean, just take away the part at the end with Aluura, make her throw the padd at Quark or something, and the episode gets a lot better. Making little tweaks here and there could make this not such a shit show. Then again, I’m a hu-man female and not a Ferengi who grew up in a different culture, so while I cringe at Quark it’s totally the way he was raised and how his entire society acts. Do I think it’s despicable for any one biological sex to have such power over the other? Absolutely. But I also have the presence of mind to understand this is a fake alien culture that is supposed to be different and it’s not up to me to make it human or “right”, it’s up to me to realize that there was such promise in how the Ferengi could have handled this and they kind of dropped the ball here with this take. Also, there is one GIGANTIC flaw on top of all the other little ones. Nilva says “Giving females the right to wear clothes allows them to have pockets. Once they have pockets, they’re going to want to fill them with latinum.”… but we all know women’s clothes don’t have pockets! Come on bro, you almost had it. Another 5 orders of dessert for this episode.

I should call this entry “The Ferengi Five”.

TA Out!

Date: August 20, 2020

Season 6, Episodes 20 and 21

Musical Accompaniment: Star Trek: The Motion Picture soundtrack, inspired by a ridiculous reading of the novelization this evening. Thank you American Sci-Fi Classics Track!

Interstellar News: My university decided to move undergraduate instruction to fully online beginning Monday. We didn’t even last a full two weeks, sigh.

So what had happened in “His Way” was…: The “couples” of DS9, [Newlyweds Dax and Worf], [old bromantic team O’Brien and Bashir], and [not-quite-there-yet Kira and Odo], are in the holosuite listening to Vic Fontaine of 1960’s Las Vegas croon away; he’s a hell of a self-aware hologram. Kira is going to visit Shakaar and Quark berates Odo for not asking her out when he had the chance, so Odo turns to Vic for advice. Vic has Odo change into a tux, act as his piano player, and go on a virtual date so as to “practice” for Kira. Odo starts losing some of his icy personality but still isn’t ready for the real Kira, but Vic decides otherwise. Vic tells Kira that Odo wants him to come to dinner and then Vic tells Odo that he has a holo-Kira that’s close to the real thing. Kira and Odo have a great time until Odo realizes Kira is real and not a hologram and they both storm out. They have a “fight” in the Promenade that actually leads to them kissing in front of everyone and it’s heart warming.

Favorite Quote:

Vic: A square. You know what a square is, right?

O’Brien: It’s one side of a cube.

Vic: Well, I guess that answers my question.

Vic is the king of sass… all bow down!

“I still prefer Klingon operas.”: Bashir is obviously super excited about Vic and, to be honest, I am too. He’s a self-aware hologram, thankfully not like the last one, who is able to stay true to the Rat Pack era slang and vibe, but also bring in the science and terminology from the 24th century. There were so many parts I loved in this episode. Vic is a natural teacher and the effect his ministrations have on Odo are so clear that Sisko and Odo get to sing together a bit, and it’s wonderful. Holo-Kira, adjusted a bit from “Our Man Bashir“, wears a sexy little number and sings a sexy little ditty for Odo in the holosuite and you can tell that Odo is totally head-over-heels in love. My absolute favorite, however, is the scene I embedded above where Kira and Odo are yelling at each other and then kiss, because it’s totally them to a tee.

This episode wasn’t all changelings and Bajoran lilacs, there are a few things that weren’t so great. We all know Kira hates holosuites with a burning passion, so much so that Quark couldn’t even trick her into one, so why was she meditating in one? Vic’s program is Bashir’s but Odo goes behind is back and trusts Quark of all people to keep the secret, what’s up with that? What Vic tried to do for Odo was basically the plot of Grease 2, but at least Odo does look sharp in a tux and didn’t have to learn how to ride a motorcycle. Vic’s “deception” with Kira and Odo is one of the tried and true tropes of someone lying to others in order to get them all in the same room, so it’s easy to see how that’s going to end. While I would have loved for Odo and Kira to only have remained friends because I hate when a show pairs everyone off, I absolutely love how Kira and Odo interact with each other and make me feel like they are actually in love instead of just two actors playing a part. I rate this episode pocket 7’s with two 7’s in the flop.

So what had happened in “The Reckoning” was…: Kira, Jake, and Sisko are heading to Bajor to look at a 30,000 year old tablet uncovered at B’hala that has “Welcome Emissary” written on it, gives Sisko a vision of the wormhole aliens who tell him “The Reckoning” is coming, and then knocks Sisko on his ass. Sisko decides to take it back to DS9 to study it but Kai Winn is furious, he didn’t ask permission and Bajor has been experiencing some terrible weather due to the wormhole instability. Sisko agrees to give it back in the morning but Hulk smashes it, only to discover a blue light and a red light escape. Suddenly there are power fluctuations all over the ship and Kira has been taken over by a prophet (blue light) who tells Sisko she’s waiting for the pah-wraith (red light) so they can battle for the soul of Bajor, potentially ending in 1000 years of peace.

Sisko evacuates the station, thinking it might be the prophet’s price for what happened in “Sacrifice of Angels“. Unfortunately the pah-wraith chooses Jake, the fight commences, and Sisko has faith the prophets will keep Jake safe while Kai Winn is mega pissed the prophets won’t talk to her. The Kai enables to chroniton beam to de-possess Kira and Jake and save the station, but there is no victor. Jake recovers and tells Sisko he knew evil had to lose, Odo is happy Kira is recovered as well but hopes someone else can be chosen next time, and the Kai wants to take credit for Bajor’s recovery but Kira knows what’s up.

Favorite Quote:

Quark: You know, I feel I have a civic duty to do something about all this doom and gloom, which is why I want to tell you that I’ve extended happy hour.

Bashir: Extended it?

Quark: From now on, every hour is happy hour. At least until business picks up. Eat, drink and be merry.

Bashir: For tomorrow we die.

Quark trying to help and Bashir pulling him down.

“It’s a slab of stone with some writing on it.”: At first I thought this episode was going to be a fun mystery, but it turned out to just be Sisko smashing an ancient tablet so that good and evil could duke it out, and Kai Winn can fuck everything up. You almost start to feel bad for the Kai, to whom the prophets won’t even acknowledge or speak to, until she decides she knows better than both the Emissary and the prophets. Should Sisko have asked before taking the tablet off Bajor? Maybe. But Winn doesn’t need to be a tattletale to the Federation and make a big stink because she didn’t have her way. Now it doesn’t totally make sense that Sisko has drunk the “wormhole aliens are prophets Kool Aid” because he had been so resistant and we haven’t really seen him this insistent since trying to find B’hala. The way I see it, though, is that Sisko though DS9 would be the penance… the price he had to pay for asking the wormhole aliens to interfere with the Dominion fleet. Once he sees they’ve taken Jake he’s either in denial that Jake might be that price or he’s somehow truly okay if it means an end to the war. We also find out why the outcome is unknown in the prophesy, and it’s because the Kai interrupted the battle. Is this the right thing? We may yet find out. 5 passed out puppies who find it hard to live a puppy’s life all day every day.

TA Out!