Date: May 14, 2020
Season 6, Episodes 12 and 13
Musical Accompaniment: Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack compilation
Interstellar News: I am officially out of salty Italian meat and cheese at home, send help immediately!
Favorite Quote from “Ship in a Bottle”:
Moriarty: I ask only that I be allowed to explore this new world. Your vessel, for instance. What sea does she sail? Might we go above deck? Weather permitting, of course.
Picard: Professor, I think there are some things of which you should be made aware.I legit laughed out loud at this line.
“Ship in a Bottle” begins in the holodeck with the triumphant return of Data as Sherlock Holmes and La Forge as Dr. Watson. Unfortunately there are some anomalies and when Barclay investigates Moriarty appears and inquires if Picard has made any progress on his request. Picard, Barclay, and Data meet Moriarty in the holodeck to prove to Moriarty he cannot exist outside the holodeck, but Moriarty walks right the fuck out and astonishes everyone. Where’s Scotty when you need him talking about the laws of physics? After an exam by Crusher Moriarty wants only to explore this new world and wants his lady love to come along too, though Picard isn’t wild about becoming Dr. Frankenstein.
The Enterprise is about to witness a star being born but all of a sudden command functions are locked out because Moriarty has taken the ship under his control… which should totally not be that easy. Barclay meets the Countess and he and Data try to use the transporter to transport a chair, but it doesn’t work. In fact Data has noticed that he, Picard, and Barclay are the only “real” people because they never actually left the holodeck… welcome to holodeck-ception my friends! Picard, however, was caught in a phishing attempt by holodeck La Forge and his access code allows Moriarty to take over the real Enterprise. Picard talks with the Countess and gets her to see reason, but it’s also a coded message from Picard to Riker. Moriarty and the Countess ask for a shuttle craft and they fly away… but it’s really a holodeck program that Picard stores in memory. Picard muses they might be in The Matrix, Barclay keeps the mini-holodeck safe, and a star is born.
This was a fantastic episode. Barclay isn’t a pile of anxiety, he’s mostly just astonished the entire episode, and he double checks at the end that they still aren’t in a computer program. Data gets to play Holmes both in and out of his smoking jacket. The whole holodeck inside of a holodeck is amazing and it allows everyone to mostly get what they want, without breaking the laws of physics. It’s a great squeal episode, the acting is fantastic, the Countess is a “pip”, and I just can’t find much wrong with the episode once you get to the end. While I was watching, small things weren’t making sense and then it all came together at the end. Just a good Holmes/Trek mashup. A phaser setting of 10 for this episode, oh wait… that might be bad.
Favorite Quote from “Aquiel”:
Riker: I think you’ve let your personal feelings cloud your judgement.
La Forge: I’m not the one making judgements.Riker and La Forge making equally valid points.
“Aquiel” begins with the Enterprise delivering supplies to a station on the border of Klingon space, but there’s no one there except for a dog and a puddle of goo that likely used to be a person, more specifically Aquiel Uhnari. Rocha, the other person aboard, is missing and so is the shuttle craft. La Forge accesses her personal logs, the dog keeps following him around, and Picard contacts the Klingon Empire to find out what’s going on. The Klingons arrive and bring Uhnari with them as they found her out in space and hurt, she claims to have been attacked by Rocha.
La Forge is a bit smitten, because of course he falls for women whose personal space he has invaded, but comes clean to her in Ten-Forward and they sort of fall for each other. Riker doesn’t believe her and they find a phaser, set to kill, in the shuttle craft. Morag, the Klingon, admits to stealing the secure files but not to murder. Crusher keeps trying to get useful DNA out of the goo she collected from the station, when suddenly it becomes the river of slime from Ghostbusters II and then recreates her hand. She theorizes Rocha picked up a coalescent that tried to use Uhnari as a new vessel, or maybe Morag, so both are confined. La Forge heads back to the station and I have this awful feeling it’s the dog, don’t let it be the dog, oh it’s totally the dog and La Forge kills the dog! Uhnari wants to make it back onto the Enterprise by her own merit, not a word from La Forge, and also… he killed her dog!
So here’s the thing. One time my husband wanted to watch John Wick and, well, you know what happens in the first 30 minutes. I was SO NOT PREPARED and it totally ruined the movie for me. I absolutely don’t like it when the dog (or any pet) dies, it’s always gutting. I totally didn’t see the coalescent thing coming, and that part was kind of cool, but everything else was ridiculous. La Forge totally invading personal space and falling in love, again, as well as the weird glowy sex toy… it was just too much for me. Also… THEY KILLED THE DOG. No rating on this, I just won’t watch it again.